When we first got this writing assignment, I had trouble thinking of what I should write about. We were given the choice of either writing about a coming of age experience or a gender role we are familiar with. I was quite frustrated because I did not think I was a woman yet, but I feel like I didn't go through any gender issues as well. Until I got into the car with my parents and realized, my father always drives. Whether it be that he's a better driver or he just likes it better, he always drives. I ended up enjoying this paper because this is actually a stereotype I went through everyday and even believed it myself! If it wasn't for Women In Lit, I would never had realized that.
Men Always Drive
“You should drive! You are the guy,” are statements I sadly use throughout my daily life. Before I got my license, transportation was so much easier. My parents were usually free to give me rides and not having a license gave me an excuse to have my boyfriend drive me around. Who would pick whom up to go on dates? He would. It wasn’t even a question! However, I still wanted to get my license, because driving myself around made me feel independent and grown up. The day came where I finally got my license, even though it was about a year later than everyone else. I knew should not use that excuse again, but having women drive when there is also a male in the car, was just something that did not seem right. It was our four-month anniversary and we had made reservations at Yanagi Sushi. My boyfriend is not so great at planning, so we usually plan a lot of outings very last minute. It was the day before our date when he asked me “So are you gonna like meet me there or are you gonna pick me up? Because Yanagi Sushi is closer to my house and I don’t really feel like driving all the way to your house. Gas is expensive…” My eyebrows scrunched in confusion, while my lips pursed together, processing what he just said. Did he just ask me to pick him up? I never drove before even when it was out of his way to pick me up, so I was not sure why he would suddenly ask me now. When it came to how we are going to get places, I always assumed he will be driving me; I never even thought about ever picking him up! Therefore, my reply was quite simple. “Umm. No. You are the guy, you are supposed to drive!” This assumption came from my childhood environment. Growing up as a child, I remember always seeing my father drive my mother and never the other way around. No matter where we would go, whether it was a five-minute drive or a road trip, he would always drive! The only time I would see my mother drive was when she was alone and had to take me somewhere and my father was unavailable. When I first saw my Aunty Traci drive my Uncle Grant around I thought it was a little strange. Whenever we would see them, my mother would perch her head next to mine and whisper, “Isn’t it strange that Aunty Traci always drives Uncle Grant around? It’s like she’s the man in the relationship.” This was odd, because at times it did seem like if she would ever be categorized, it would be as the male. She was the one who made most of the decisions in the relationship and she spoke up for the both of them when asked a question. However, being the “male” in the relationship is never a bad thing, unless the male has a problem with it. Unfortunately, my boyfriend did not have the same thoughts as me. He continued to argue with me: “Why do I have to drive? I always drive and you never drive!” “It would be weird if I picked you up! Plus I’m not good at going to places where I am not familiar with…” We bickered for a while, but in the end, he succumbed and agreed to pick me up. Even today, I still do not drive. He always drives to my house, to parties, or dates and I’ve only driven him a few times. Partly because he always criticizes me on my driving, but I still feel more comfortable when he is the driver. I know I am not the only woman who believes that men should drive women around. Many television shows and movies mainly film the man driving the women around and hardly ever vice versa. Is it because in the past, men felt more powerful if they were the ones who drove the women around? Even if that was the case, I, myself do not have any problem being driven around! It does not make me feel any less in control of our relationship, but it may have had that effect on men in the past. I’m not even quite sure how this assumption first came to be in the beginning or why my parents believed in it, but it is a gender assumption I believe in.
Men Always Drive
“You should drive! You are the guy,” are statements I sadly use throughout my daily life. Before I got my license, transportation was so much easier. My parents were usually free to give me rides and not having a license gave me an excuse to have my boyfriend drive me around. Who would pick whom up to go on dates? He would. It wasn’t even a question! However, I still wanted to get my license, because driving myself around made me feel independent and grown up. The day came where I finally got my license, even though it was about a year later than everyone else. I knew should not use that excuse again, but having women drive when there is also a male in the car, was just something that did not seem right.
It was our four-month anniversary and we had made reservations at Yanagi Sushi. My boyfriend is not so great at planning, so we usually plan a lot of outings very last minute.
It was the day before our date when he asked me “So are you gonna like meet me there or are you gonna pick me up? Because Yanagi Sushi is closer to my house and I don’t really feel like driving all the way to your house. Gas is expensive…”
My eyebrows scrunched in confusion, while my lips pursed together, processing what he just said. Did he just ask me to pick him up? I never drove before even when it was out of his way to pick me up, so I was not sure why he would suddenly ask me now. When it came to how we are going to get places, I always assumed he will be driving me; I never even thought about ever picking him up!
Therefore, my reply was quite simple. “Umm. No. You are the guy, you are supposed to drive!” This assumption came from my childhood environment. Growing up as a child, I remember always seeing my father drive my mother and never the other way around. No matter where we would go, whether it was a five-minute drive or a road trip, he would always drive! The only time I would see my mother drive was when she was alone and had to take me somewhere and my father was unavailable. When I first saw my Aunty Traci drive my Uncle Grant around I thought it was a little strange. Whenever we would see them, my mother would perch her head next to mine and whisper, “Isn’t it strange that Aunty Traci always drives Uncle Grant around? It’s like she’s the man in the relationship.” This was odd, because at times it did seem like if she would ever be categorized, it would be as the male. She was the one who made most of the decisions in the relationship and she spoke up for the both of them when asked a question. However, being the “male” in the relationship is never a bad thing, unless the male has a problem with it.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend did not have the same thoughts as me. He continued to argue with me: “Why do I have to drive? I always drive and you never drive!”
“It would be weird if I picked you up! Plus I’m not good at going to places where I am not familiar with…” We bickered for a while, but in the end, he succumbed and agreed to pick me up.
Even today, I still do not drive. He always drives to my house, to parties, or dates and I’ve only driven him a few times. Partly because he always criticizes me on my driving, but I still feel more comfortable when he is the driver. I know I am not the only woman who believes that men should drive women around. Many television shows and movies mainly film the man driving the women around and hardly ever vice versa. Is it because in the past, men felt more powerful if they were the ones who drove the women around? Even if that was the case, I, myself do not have any problem being driven around! It does not make me feel any less in control of our relationship, but it may have had that effect on men in the past. I’m not even quite sure how this assumption first came to be in the beginning or why my parents believed in it, but it is a gender assumption I believe in.