Coming+of+Age+Jelene

This essay which I titled, “Selfish or Selfless?” taught me about myself as well as my grandma. I was required to reflect on my own life to see if I thought of myself as a woman or still a girl. In the process, my grandma’s childhood came to mind because she was forced to mature at a very young age. I soon realized that my grandma doesn’t fit the description of a “modern woman” because she refuses help from others. From writing this paper, I learned that a modern woman needs to be able to take care of others as well as herself. She needs to learn to be selfish //and// selfless. When women start neglecting themselves, that’s when they start to become less equal to men. http://iolaniwomenlit.wikispaces.com/Coming+of+Age+Essay

 Selfish or Selfless? Coming of age ceremonies are common in many cultures and societies. Because these ceremonies are not as popular in America, becoming a man or woman doesn’t seem like a huge deal to many of us. However, what does it really mean to be a woman? I believe that part of a becoming a woman is caring for others and being selfless, but the other part is knowing how to take care of oneself. My grandmother became half a woman at a very young age, but I think that she is still in the process of becoming a full woman. When my grandmother was twelve, her father contracted diabetes and he lost his eyesight. She was forced to sacrifice her social life to take care of him during her elementary and high school experience. I believe this event was significant for her and transformed her from a girl into half a woman. Because her mother was busy working, my grandmother learned to be independent at a young age. She had to learn to make choices and live with the consequences. When her friends went out to the beach or movies, she was at home taking care of her father. She wasn’t able to live a normal childhood because of this impediment, but I think this helped her to become the strong woman she is today. She is the type of person that never asks anyone for help, but is the first one to give help. She provides willingly for her family, but will refuse to take anything from anyone. One day, my dad and I dropped her off at home, and she had a bunch of packages to take up her steep flight of stairs. Although both my dad and I offered numerous times to help her, she was stubborn and refused our aid. Another example is that various times after eating dinner at a restaurant, she refuses to let my mom or dad pay the bill even though our five meals outweigh her one. Although this is often a positive quality to have, my grandmother still needs to learn how to accept help from others and take care of herself first. It is hard for her to understand the concept of taking care of herself before others because that's not how she was raised. When my grandmother was a child, the idea that a woman must care for her children, husband, and everyone around her was prevalent. However, the "modern women" needs to learn how to think about herself and her needs as well as the needs of others. Sometimes women become so caught up in others that they neglect themselves, and that is a dangerous thing. We (women) need just as much care as anyone else, and when we neglect ourselves, we might start thinking of ourselves as less important than men. Although my grandmother is still in the process of becoming a full woman, she is an emotionally strong person that I look up to today. I believe that I am half a woman as well, but in a different way than my grandmother. Over this past Christmas break, while others were frolicking at the beach or enjoying the snow, I was lying on my couch at home, mourning my injured knee. I had twisted my knee in a basketball game and torn my ACL (knee ligament). I didn't know it at the time, but that incident would initiate a series of events that would aid my transformation from a girl into half a woman. An appointment with a physical therapist and doctor confirmed that my injury was indeed a torn ACL, and verified that the best possible route to take would to undergo surgery. I decided to wait until after my basketball season to have the surgery so that I could possibly finish out the season with a brace. Two months and one knee surgery later, I am again lying on my couch, but this time, in a much more intense pain than before. In between the pain meds and tears, I found myself thinking, "Why me?" I didn't know why I had to go through so much at such a young age. Just standing up and hobbling to the bathroom was an arduous and painstaking task. Although I wasn't used to asking help from others, this was a necessity during this time in my life. I couldn't possibly lift my leg to place a pillow underneath it, get water or food, retrieve the remote from across the room, take a shower, get into the car, or open the door all by myself. I needed help! Throughout this whole experience, the most important thing I learned was how to ask for something when I needed it. Although asking for help felt odd at first, now I am much more comfortable with asking for help than I was before my injury. Although I have become half a woman by being somewhat selfish, I still need to work on the other half of becoming a woman by learning to be selfless. Although young children are taught to be unselfish towards others, part of becoming a woman or man is learning how to accept and embrace help from others. Women also need to learn to take care of themselves because they sometimes become caught up in caring for others and forget about themselves. My grandmother learned to be selfless at a young age, while I learned to be selfish at a young age. We are both still in the process of discovering the other half of becoming a woman so that we can be complete.